Day 44

I slipped. I know I shouldn't have and almost got back on it several times, but each time I didn't and then I'd make up some stupid excuse later when I remembered. I hate slipping, the more days I lost the scarier it was to get back on track. Enough of this stalling, I am getting back on it right now...

Person A: Cangaro?

Person B: I think it means babysitter.

Person A: You sure?

Person B: I don't know, but look, the rest of the sentence says that he takes care of the kids.

Person A: Okay, babysitter.

Person B: Kay, so we should write that he shouldn't, um, kill the kids.

Person A: (laughs). Fine with me. How do you say kill?

Person B: You think I know?

Person A: Right, I'll look it up.

Person B: I don't want to do this.

Person B: Yeah, me either. Oh,... cangaro means kangaroo.

Person A: Kangaroo? You checked?

Person B: Just to make sure.

Person A: Kangaroo?

Person B: Yeah, that's what the dictionary says.

Person A: So the man became a kangaroo and watched the kids?

Person B: I don't know.

Person A: That doesn't make scene.

Person B: I know, but that's what it is.

Person A: Maybe he dressed up as a kangaroo. You know, like for his job or something.

Person B: Well, what can we write about that?

Person A: Don't scare the kids? I don't know. Maybe he works for Disney or something.

Person B: Okay. Don't scare the kids. We can even keep don't kill the kids.

Person A: Or don't kick the kids. Are you sure this is right? I really think it means babysitter.

Person B: Yes, it's right. I looked it up.

Person A: I'm gonna see just to make sure.

Person B: It's not babysitter, it even sounds like kangaroo.

Person A: It's babysitter!

Person B: What?

Person A: It says it right here look, babysitter. Right under kangaroo you idiot.

Day 43

Person A: Let's make a deal. Let's make a bet.

Person B: Hold on.

Person A: Let's make an agreement, okay? Right now.

Person B: For what?

Person A: You want those jeans right? How much are those jeans?

Person B: Uh, I don't know. Look at the tag, maybe sixty.

Person A: Okay, sixty, and my dress is one twenty. So... we will make a bet for fifty dollars. Fifty dollars is good?

Person B: Uh, for what?

Person A: Fifty dollars for- How many pounds do you want to loose?

Person B: I don't know. I don't want to get skinny again. Two?

Person A: Two? That's it? I thought you wanted to loose more.

Person B: Yes, but when I get skinny I look old.

Person A: No you don't.

Person B: Two is good. Why, how much do you want to loose?

Person A: Ten.

Person B: Ten! Are you crazy? No, ten is too much.

Person A: I need ten.

Person B: No, you wouldn't be alive if you loose ten.

Person A: Okay then, seven. No less.

Person B: Okay seven. What is this for?

Person A: You want those jeans right?

Person B: Yes, yes.

Person A: And I want that dress. So, we make a bet.

Person B: And...

Person A: And, whoever looses their desired weight first gives the other fifty dollars to buy what they want.

Person B: I don't want this to be a race. It will take me two months to loose two pounds.

Person A: Two months? I can loose five before breakfast.

Person B: Exactly, I don't want you starving yourself to loose it faster.

Person A: I won't starve myself. This is about being healthy.

Person B: Okay then, so no race.

Person A: Fine, so how are we going to determine the winner?

Person B: I don't know, I'm busy now. Hey, you want to get ice cream later?

Day 42

Person A: Are you okay?

Person B: Yes... no, why?

Person A: I don't know, you look funny.

Person B: Oh, is my nose red?

Person A: Yes, wow actually it's really red. Why?

Person B: Are my ears red too?

Person A: Yes. Why are you so red?

Person B: Oh, is my whole face red?

Person A: No, just your ears and your nose.

Person B: Great, that's normal.

Person A: Allergies?

Person B: No.

Person A: Then why are you so red.

Person B: It's just my ears and my nose right?

Person A: Yes, just that. The rest of your face is normal. You're cheeks look fine.

Person B: Perfect, now I look funny. I wish my cheeks were red too.

Day 41

Person A: Before you go, can I ask you questions?

Person B: Questions?

Person A: Yeah, like a list of questions that you have to answer truthfully.

Person B: What do you mean? What kinds of questions?

Person A: Anything. It could be anything, like "What's your favorite color", or I don't know, something more... deep.

Person B: What is the meaning of life?

Person A: (laughs) Yeah, or if you could change something about your life what would you change.?

Person B: Uh, now? You want me to answer this now?

Person A: No, not now. Before you leave. The last time I'll see you before you go.

Person B: And you're going to write them down? And I have to answer truthfully?

Person A: Yes. I want you to come with a list too, to ask me. Is this too weird?

Person B: No, I like it. A list of questions. But how would you know if I'm telling the truth?

Person A: You will, because I will, okay? Let's really try not to lie.

Person B: So I can ask you anything and you have to answer me with the truth? Like I can ask you about what happened to your hair in fourth grade?

Person A: Oh my.

Person B: (laughs). You said anything!

Person A: Okay, yes, I have to answer anything you ask truthfully and you will do the same. How many questions should there be?

Person B: One hundred? No, too many. I don't know, three?

Person A: You went from one hundred to three? (laughs). What about something in between like, ten?

Person B: Mhh... ten is too little.

Person A: So is three. But then again, the less questions the more important they are, right?

Person B: Yeah, but there are so many things I want to ask you.

Person A: So, sixteen. Nothing more, nothing less.

Person B: Yes, Sixteen it is.

Day 40

Person A: Just, I don't know, surround yourself with good people you know.

Person B: I try, it's just that everyone I try to get close to back-stabs me in some way.

Person A: Oh come on. That doesn't happen.

Person B: Yes it does. I think I know okay. I can't trust anyone. The world is just so full of shit heads.

Person A: No, it's not. Not everyone you meet is a bad person.

Person B: Well, I have self esteem issues.

Person A: Ok, so you do.

Person B: Yes... and it's people who betray me that make me this way.

Person A: You just have to stop being so- you just have to forget about all that. Just try to be happy, for once.

Person B: It's not that easy. You think I can just turn it on and off?

Person A: Yes... I can. You always think the worst of everyone. You just need to stop.

Person B: I can't just stop!

Person A: Why not?

Person B: I don't know. You can't just stop these things!

Person A: I don't know what to tell you. You put yourself in these situations. Just stop doing this to yourself.

Person B: I- I can't.

Person A: You know what, I can't help you. I'm sorry, but I can't deal with these kinds of things. I think that you need to get some help. Professional help.

Person B: I've tried and this is what I'm talking about. People give up on me. I'm alone and-

Person A: You love it.

Day 39

Person A: Do you happen to have Mrs. Willson as a math teacher?

Person B: Nope, sorry.

Person A: Do you know anyone who does? This is a life or death situation, seriously.

Person B: Yeah Lisa has Mrs. Wilson.

Person A: Ok, do you have her number?

Person B: Sure, hold on. Okay, it's 555- 1456

Person A: Okay thanks. I'll talk to you later.

Person B: No problem, bye.

...

Person A: Oh my God. You gave me her mother's cell phone number! I was so embarrassed. She was like "Um this is her Mom's cell phone number, she doesn't answer this phone. Do you want the house number?"

Person B: Oh, my bad.

Person A: Yeah, I almost died! She gave me the house number, thank gosh, but you won't believe what I did.

Person B: What'd you do?

Person A: Well, I was so embarrassed I wasn't even thinking so I hung up on her Mom and called the number, but I forgot to right it down right...

Person B: Okay so-

Person A: So... I called the wrong number and the person on the other end started yelling at me! She was all like," Stop calling me! Leave me alone! You are slaking me. STOP!". And so I was like "Whuaat? Chill lady, I only called you once!" And then she was all like " Leave my life alone", and then she hung up. I almost died.

Person B: Ok, so you need her house number.

Person A: Yes! Because I didn't write it down because-

Person B: Yeah, I got you. Hold on let me get it. Ok it's 555-7896

Person A: Wow. Okay, thanks. I'll call her right now. Bye.

Person B: Yeah.

...

Person A: I hate you!

Person B: What?

Person A: You did that on purpose, I hate you!

Person B: What are you saying? Did you call Lisa yet?

Person A: No! No, because you gave me the crazy lady's number.

Person B: No, i didnt. I'm pretty sure I didn't.

Person A: Yes you did, because when I called what you told me was her house number the lady answers the phone saying, " I'm serious! You better leave me alone or I'll get you arrested!"

Person B: No...

Person A: Yes! She was all like, "I'm tracing this call and getting the FBI involved!". How did you get this lady's number? How did you even get Lisa's mothers number?

Day 38

Person A: Oh, I see.

Person B: What?

Person A: You're not acting like yourself, Joe. You're acting like a fool.

Person B: I'm acting- what? I've always been like this.

Person A: No, you haven't. You've changed.

Person B: I'm still the same.

Person A: No- you wouldn't say things like this before. You're not the same, you're different.

Person B: Yes, I would have. How would you know anyway? You wouldn't know. I've always said things like this.

Person A: I know you better than you think. You're acting different, something's different. I don't know.

Person B: Nothing's different. You're- if anything you're different. I'm the same. You don't know me to say that.

Person A: Well, you're acting like a fool.

Day 37

Person A: I started crying again yesterday. I'm so stupid (laughs)

Person B: Crying? For what?

Person A: You know, Mr. Cougar Hunter.

Person B: Oh wow. Seriously?

Person A: I know. I'm crazy.

Person B: Hey, if he'd rather go out with Grandma than he's too messed up for you hun.

Person A: How can anyone do that though? How can you - I just can't- I don't understand how you can get someone your moms age pregnant.

Person B: Wow.

Person A: I'm telling you, how can he pass up all of this for an old lady?

Person B: (laughs) If he knew you before, he wouldn't.

Person A: Why didn't he know me before? Why is it that the one time I go insane over someone, he is already on his way to becoming the worlds youngest step-grandpa.

Person B: She has grandchildren? I didn't know that.

Person A: No, but she looks like she does. She's almost thirty years older than him and that's not weird for him at all, noo, thirty years is nothing for him. He's in love. I hate him.

Person B: Donna...

Person A: He should of just told me right away. Why didn't he? What? He thought it would be better to become my friend first and make me crazy and then tell me. You don't do that. You don't just throw something like that at someone. You don't just say, "Hey I should probably let you know that I'm getting married."

Person B: Donna. Forget about him okay. He's messed up. You don't need that right now.

Person A: No, he's perfect and I hate him so much. Why is he doing this to me? What's wrong with- I don't know, I thought he really liked me. I messed up.

Person B: Listen to me, this is not your fault okay. He messed up. He decided to knock up Grandma and now he has to pay for that okay. He can't get you.

Day 36

Person A: Where are you going?

Person B: For lunch.

Person A: Oh, with your friends?

Person B: No, with your Mom.

Person A: Wait, just you and Mom?

Person B: No, the kids are coming.

Person A: What? Oh so..

Person B: You wanna come? Go get ready.

Person A: What? Why didn't you tell me we where going out? I'm in pajamas.

Person B: So get dressed.

Person A: When are they gonna be here?

Person B: Five minutes ago she told me in ten minutes.

Person A: Seriously?

Person B: Yeah, so go get ready.

Person A: I don't have time. Why didn't you tell me?

Person B: I just did.

Day 35

Person A: Why did you write one step at a time? You should write step by step, not one step at a time.

Person B: No. It's fine.

Person A: Step by step is better.

Person B: Stop it. Stop reading what I'm writing.

Person A: Why? I can help.

Person B: No, stop it. I don't want you to.

Person A: But-

Person B: I don't want you to. Stop it. It's like looking at me in a bikini. I don't like it.

Person A: No...

Day 34

Person A: Can you pick me up at ten?

Person B: Can't you just get a ride?

Person A: No, Mom. Can you just pick me up?

Person B: Well, did you ask anyone for one? I'm not going to drive back and forth when you can get a ride. Who's going to be there anyway?

Person A: Does it mat- my friends. I already asked them. And it isn't nice anyway because I planned this.

Person B: So?

Person A: So, it would be rude to make them take me home. I'm going to be late now. Will you pick me up at ten?

Person B: Oh please. Why would it be rude if they're your friends? I give them rides all the time. They would do the same for you.

Person A: No Mom. Look- I already asked okay. Can you just bring me? I have to go.

Person B: No, I'm not picking you up. I've been driving around all day. Get a ride.

Person A: Didn't you hear me? I can't!

Person B: What about Alison? She can take you.

Person A: She's not coming.

Person B: Why not? She's your best friend.

Person A: Well, I have other friends. Don't do this to me. I'm already late. If you don't pick me up I'll be stranded there.

Day 33

Person A: Where are we going?

Person B: I don't know. Exploring.

Person A: Well, where are we now?

Person B: The parks down that way. There's the forrest. We can go back later, let's find someplace new.

Person A: Okay, don't get me lost.

Person B: Relax. Oh look, here's a path.

Person A: It leads to the water, look, down there. This is so beautiful. The deer must use this for water or something.

Person B: Uh huh. Let's go.

Person A: It smells like summer.

Person B: Do you hear something?

Person A: What?

Person B: Nevermind.

Person A: Yes, I hear an engine. Not a car, like a bike or something.

Person B: No, it's the deer like you said.

Person A: Yeah the deer. I'm not stupid, there are people here.

Person B: Are you scared? I'm going to throw you in those bushes so that the scary engine people will get you.

Person A: Shut up. Did you hear that? I think we're on private property.

Person B: No one owns the forrest idiot.

Person A: No, this is a man made path. I think we're on someone's riding grounds.

Person B: Stop acting like a baby.

Person A: We're not supposed to be here.

Day 32

Person A: Stop waving that thing around like a maniac. Just close the light and leave the door open. They'll leave, they'll go into the hallway cause the lights open there.

Person B: No, I need to get them out now.

Person A: So, close the light. They'll be attracted to the light outside and leave.

Person B: No they wont. They're not mosquitoes.

Person A: Why do you think they're swarming around that light for then?

Person B: Shut up.

Person A: Close the light. Are you listening to me? Close the light I said.

Person B: I'm getting them out.

Person A: Not like that! You're killing them. Stop hitting them. Just close the light.

Person B: I won't kill them. See? I'm just paralyzing them.

Person A: Yeah that's great. So they won't be able to move or get food or reproduce and they'll all die a slow and painful death.

Person B: They're moving.

Person A: That ones limping. They're all upside down on the floor.

Person B: They're fine.

Person A: Stop killing them! Just close the light.

Person B: This is working.

Person A: No it's not. You still have about fifty left to go. If you would just shut the light they'll leave on their own. I'll do it. Stupid, now you made me get up. I was right about to go to sleep and then you had to come here and open the freaking light.

Person B: (screms) Nooo don't! Turn it back on! Turn it back on. They're crawiling on me. Turn the light on! Get them off. They go in your ear when your sleeping. Turn the light on!

Person A ( laughs) Are you afraid of the ladybugs.

Day 31

Person A: Emma, this is a crisis situation! Do not talk to me... and oh, I died.

Person B: Haha. Now look, I can get up on the latter.

Person A: Fail.

Person B: Help me up.

Person A: Fail.

Person B: Stop!

Person A: Oh yeah, I got him. I'm escaping. Goodbye. What the bugs? What the bugs Bunny? I blew up.

Person B: No, I killed you.

Person A: Curse you. I have a weapon.

Person B: Not any more.

Person A: Oh, how dare you? You screen looker.

Person B: I didn't look at your screen.

Person A: Yes you did, screen looker.

Person B: Well, I had to look at my screen to play.

Person A: Whatever. I just got a Spartan Razor.

Person B: Exellent.

Person A: Curse you screen looker that says exellent.

Person B: My gun is the one you kill with. Ha ha I'm winning fifteen to ten.

Person A: Well, I like borritos.

Person B: So, I'm winning fifteen to ten.

Person A: Borritos.

Person B: But isn't it true I'm winning fifteen to ten?

Person A: Curse you screen looker. You shall not kill me.

Day 30

Person A: Hey my brother!

Person B: Um, who's this?

Person A: Oh! Lauren? Lauren!

Person B: Yes...

Person A: It's me!

Person B: Hi...

Person A: I'm passing by. Tell your Dad I'm passing by.

Person B: Oh, Uncle Henry! Hi.

Person A: Come on Ren. Who else? It's me!

Person B: Sorry, I didn't recognize -

Person A: I'm almost there. Tell your Dad I'm almost there.

Person B: Oh, he's not home.

Person A: No?

Person B: No.

Person A: Okay, okay. I'll turn around then.

Person B: No, don't turn around. Come, he'll be home from work soon.

Person A: No, no, no. I have my bike, it's good.

Person B: You're on your bike?!

Person A: Yes, yes, yes. It's good.

Person B: All the way from your house? You came on your bike all the way from your house? On the highway?

Person A: Yes, yes, on my bike. I'm coming now. I have a surprise for your Dad.

Person B: Really?

Person A: Yes, yes. Don't tell him. But tell him I'm on my way.

Person B: Okay, but you'll probably get home before him.